Evolution: The Musical! (2008) – not in a good way…
Evolution: The Musical! takes place in a fictional planet called “Earth” where both Evolution and Intelligent Design are right. On this grossly underpopulated planet there are two kinds of creatures. One of the goups have succumbed to fisting each other while they wait for their glorious gorilla leader to grant them opposable thumbs, the other make raps about Jesus. I am not sure which is worse.
Fisting and Jesus
After the main priest kills the gorilla leader with his hamster-powered musket (intelligently designed…), the ape-people see no other choice than to rape all jesus-lovers and eat them. Somehow this attack was inexplicably thwarted, but the ape-people did not leave empty handed: In a stroke of writer’s block they’ve decided to kidnap the main priest’s hot daughter. The only single ape-guy who seemed like he didn’t like getting fisted falls in love with the christian nymph at the drop of a hat and the West Side Story stand-off (complete with tacky guitars) is a fact. Jesus and Darwin attempts to disarm the situation, but the double dose of deus ex machina turns out to be one too many. So how does it end? Can you guess it? Something about loving everybody and being happy? You’ll have to watch it to see…-or not.
Oh, come on!
Call me sentimental, but I prefer movies when they’re good. Or decent – I’m not picky. Evolution: The Musical! on the other hand turns out to be neither. A story narrated by a four-legged fish with jetpacks might sound like a good idea, but trust me – you wouldn’t want him to do your editing. If a hundred monkeys wrote Hamlet on a typewriter, a retarded mole fingerpainted this movie. In braille.
Tags: ape-people, braille, deus ex machina, Evolution, fisting, four legged fish with jetpack, Intelligent Design, Jesus, tacky guitars, West Side Story