Hard Rock Zombies (1985) – A bad idea
There are thousands of movies available (I’m not just using this as a rhetorical phrase; it’s true – just check the internet!). So when you have one of those days where you feel like you’ve seen it all, please allow me to assure you – you haven’t. Often there’s a good reason why you haven’t seen it yet; Hard Rock Zombies makes this point clear as polished water.
Nazi dwarf
A rock band goes on tour and decides to include a performance in a little town called Grand Guignol. As you’ve probably already guessed, this turns out to be a bad idea. Their manager must have done some poor research on this town, something that becomes apparent when the locals thump their bibles on the table and chase the devil’s music out of their town. The band seeks refuge in an old manor in the outskirts; this is where the family too weird to live inside the town lives. This also turns out to be a – you guessed it – bad idea. At this point the band probably should have realized something was off. Now I am aware that in some parts of the world taking pictures of your sister having sex and touching her afterwards might not be a big deal. If that is the case, locking your grandmother in the attic because she’s a werewolf could probably be a plausible thing to ignore. But being greeted on the doorsteps by a dwarf in a nazi uniform? I call that a hint.
Unmotivated montages
Througout this movie we’re treated to incest, tacky guitars, werewolves, a dwarf, elderly sex, terrible, unmotivated montages, nazis, muscic that reanimates the dead, zombies, necrofilia, nazi zombies, a nazi dwarf zombie, and of course – lest I forget – If you’ve ever wondered what Hitler’s been up to lately, this movie has it’s own theory. All in all this is a fantastic collection of bad ideas – poorly executed. Did I mention the acting was appalling? Well I guess it takes a certain kind of actor to read a script that says “Nazi zombie dwarf becomes hungry and eats himself” and actually volunteers.
Tags: elderly sex, Hitler, incest, nazi zombie dwarf, necrofilia, tacky guitars, unmotivated montages, werewolves, zombie